Listening skills are so important in becoming a leader of influence.  Our ability to effectively listen can communicate to others how important they are to us, or not.

In his book “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” John Maxwell says “Leadership is Influence – Nothing more – Nothing less.”  If we intend to be better leaders then we need to focus on the things that yield us the most influence.  Improving our listening skills is one of them.  Here are three tips to better listening.

1.)  Listen with your Mind

• Focus on what the person is saying

Too often we focus more on our responses to conversations rather than understanding the person speaking.  In many cases people just want to be heard.  Giving people the room to speak without feeling rushed by our eagerness to respond, at times can say much more than words.

• Put yourself in their shoes

We can understand what people are saying, yet still miss out on how they really feel.  Putting ourselves in their shoes allows us to feel empathy and to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experiences of others.

2.) Listen with your Body

•  Make eye contact

This communicates that we really care, and shows them they are important to us and deserve our time.  Stay off your phone.  If it rings, silence it, in fact leave it out of sight, it’s a distraction.  When we answer calls, texts, or pay more attention to our phone than to others, it can keep people from fully expressing themselves .  It’s impersonal and says to people “I can care less about what you have to say.”

•  Use body language

Have you ever spoken to some one who just looked back at you with an empty stare?  We can really say so much without saying anything at all.  Raise your eye brows, squint or open your eyes wide, smile, silently giggle, nod yes or no, drop your jaw, try slightly leaning toward the person speaking.  This says “We’re on the same page and what you’re saying is interesting to me.  What ever you do, be sincere.

3.)  Listen with your Voice

•   Don’t interrupt, but speak up

Have you ever spoken to someone who had no response and left you feeling like you were speaking to a brick wall?  Saying things like “Yes!” “I agree!” “You don’t say?” “Really?” “Wow!”  can leave people feeling like they really had a great two-way conversation.

• Repeat and remember

Repeating important parts of a conversation says to people “I’ve thought about what you’ve said and care about how you feel.”  Also remembering important points in conversations will help us when following up at a later time.

My prayer is that we work intentionally toward becoming leaders of influence and that we generously give of our Mind, Body and Voice through listening.

From The Heart, Dan Chavez